today at lunch this person complimented my teeth and said they were really straight and i very quietly stated “thanks they’re only straight thing about me” and they snorted so hard that milk shot out of their nose
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON
THERE’LL BE TEARS WHEN THIS IS DONE
I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE REST
TIME TO CRY SOME MORE


So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.
I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life
i went to a high school where they played jeopardy music when you had about 30 seconds to get to class and i shit you not best part of the day was seeing kids sprinting to class with this music playing
Because telling fat people that they are in fact humans that deserve dignity and respect automatically means you’re ~*GLORIFYING OBESITY*~
By the way, don’t dribble on to me saying you worry about a fat person’s ‘health’. That’s just a bullshit excuse to voice your unwanted opinion on a fat person’s body considering you wouldn’t give a single flying fuckadoodle about someone’s health if they were skinny. Besides another person’s health is none of your damned business anyway. Run along now and preach to a choir that actually cares.
I’m going to be honest, so long as you’re not hurting anyone, you can eat soy sauce and milk duds all day long for all I care.
thank you so much for this comic imp.This makes me feel better in every way, and even more so because I’m eating ice cream.
without gravity we wouldnt be able to poop